leave or stay?

Its been really killing me when ever I bring this question to thought
The question that comes to my mind is that, I plan to migrate to another country, I haven't placed which country that I'll be going off to but, I'll migrate to another place, but there are always obstacles, some that keep on bugging me. I asked a couple of friends about migrating and what will happen to my Malaysian citizenship, one of them gave me a reply, Mr. Howard, that if I forfeit my Malaysian citizenship, I'll never ever have the chance to gain it back. I'm not so sure about this but the thought of not being able to return to Malaysia has really troubled me in giving me a final say in it. I'm sure some of you may think that I'm crazy but, I'm not.

The truth is, I no longer have the feeling of longing to go home, I've lost what it feels like to come back home, the warmth, the happiness, that happy gut feeling, I just live to live another day. I go to sleep every night, when I wake up in the morning, there's that emptiness that I feel everytime, eventhough I pray, it still feels the same, something is just missing, it won't go away.

my parents no longer understand me, or they never understood me at all, even when they still controled my choice in my Uni offers, it was just the last straw for me. I warned them that their decision has consumed me, changing me into the opposite person who I was. I used to strive for peace, now I'm man who thirsts for revenge, bloodshed. Why do I have to obey my father's pride, this is my fucking future if you ever cared. SO what , your telling me its a waste of time, what difference was it during your time and mine, you think times now are just the same as it was? How the hell should I know if I never experienced it, and one more thing, things now are different.

Now you can see whats been consuming my mind from thnking rationally, I'm just consumed by rage, the fury to take a life. A couple of years back, I already questioned myself, why am I doing all of this, I no longer know why am I doing the things that I do anymore, why do I rush to one place to another, like an endless marathon. I just live to see my maker eventually at the end of my life.

I have lost this resolve to continue life with this cause for greater good, but this fuming oppositon in me is making its way to take over my life, replacing my mind for world destruction, Just thinking of it makes me feel thats its a more greater cause, but seeing these young children after me, seeing how innocent they live their life, maybe I just wish I could protect it from being corrupted by the vast evil in the world, created by our own selves. Maybe something I'm turning into, the evil that I oppose, maybe I'm suppose to become a part of it.

If I migrate, I pretty sure know this that I must leave everything behind, everything that I known for these 11 years in Malaysia. I won't have the chance to see my parents, see them live their life through their retirement at ease, or even to see them rest peacefully for their afterlife. I won't get to see Pei Yue go to school, or even see her grow up. I won't even know what would happen to my own siblings. I wouldn't know if my elder brother and sister have started their own family and if my little sister can even stand on her own feet.


I just want to start a new slide of my life, somewhere new, somewhere I never knew, somewhere where nobody doesn't even know me and where I don't know anyone. To start white. Maybe so that I can straighten my mind, have everything maped out?

Wei Jiea, told me to think it twice.. Its a tough decision to make.

They say when people leave a pleace, they mean that their trying to find their answer in life..
the way I see it, maybe its just another excuse to run away, running away from something that they themselves maybe aren't sure of. Their very own answers were most probably right infront of them, at the very place where they ran from. Guess they were blinded from seeing it.

I myself am not sure what I'm trying to run away from, If I try to accept it, I'm not even sure what the heck it is, or even where to start.

For I am damaged. heart and soul.

lagophthalmos

I always wondered why my eyes were dry and red, even though I've already applied some eye moisture products and had enough sleep...

the thing is that...


I SLEEP WITH MY EYES OPEN

We're going nuclear

With the sky rocketing prices in oil, gas and any carbon based fuel that we human beings use for energy, as the title says, we are RE-initiating our nuclear program. Well heck, we won't last that long if we can't find an alternate source of energy at we don't have any options left. Heck, I don't even have to leave the country to get a job, this field of work does require my expertise..

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxx

terrible price hike

you see, its really bad for my budget and I love to drive very fast
(this is just ALMOST my HALF tank)
eg: having an average speed of 120km/h on the highway
(so far so good, no ticket, thank god)



well this will solve everyone's problem, we should just
cycle!

more conveniently, this type can be folded like
in the pic above, good for taking it along with you
in MRT's, buses or etc.



and here's a demo on this folding bike

well there are more designs and different brands on this particular of bicycle but you're the user, so you should decide on what you want. But for my advice, if you're planning to get one and you're going to use it in the city limits, better get a mountain bike or the one I'm showing. A mountain bike is more suited because its more easier to handle and the tires are great on bumpy and rough roads( hence it was designed for rough cycling in the mountains ). Prices for bikes varies because of the types of frames and equipment (gears, shifters,etc) being used. Some range from rm500(these bikes are usually standard issues, where the frame is set at a specific size and the other parts are standard low-grade parts) while some can cost to rm15k-rm45k( usually these kind of bikes are the ones that bicycle enthusiasts use, because these kind of bikes are made from scratch to suite the user, for instance the frames are more durable and lighter usually aluminum/carbon and is different in size to go with the user's height while the gears and shifters are of high quality).

but unlike other countries, cycling in Malaysia is really risking it, I know, I'm experienced. Other countries have parks, lanes, even parking bays made for the public for bicycle users but in Malaysia, I don't see a thing.

Semester 2 result

▒
Finally

I mushed up the courage to post my exam result it came out for sometime already, so here it is, my score this time was 3.36, bummer man, it went down a bit, we were cut short for that semester, we were given 14weeks to cram all the info we could. My math kinda gone down by a notch since my last term, it all because I studied the hard part of the chapter for just this one paper then what came out was the front part of the chapter, even the questions being asked were the one's if someone really memorized what the exact names of these symbols "α ß ΓπΣσµτΦΘΩδ∞φε∩≡±≥≤⌠⌡÷≈°∙·√ⁿ♣ " it seem unfair to me though, 'cause I only studied to work out equations until I get the answer not the name of the thing.

yang akan datang

KAMEN RIDER : THE NEXT

http://www.maskedridernext.jp/

The new film is a direct sequel to MASKED RIDER THE FIRST (Kamen Raidaa Za Faasuto, 2005), featuring the return of Masked Riders 1 and 2, and the introduction of Masked Rider V3.

Just as MASKED RIDER THE FIRST was a loose re-telling of both Shotaro Ishinomori’s original manga and Toei’s MASKED RIDER (Kamen Raidaa, 1971) TV series, MASKED RIDER THE NEXT is set to re-tell the story behind Toei’s MASKED RIDER V3 (Kamen Raidaa Buisurii, 1973) TV series.

Actors Masaya Kikawada and Hassei Takano are returning from MASKED RIDER THE FIRST as Takeshi Hongo (Masked Rider 1) and Hayato Ichimonji (Masked Rider 2) respectively, while Kazuki Katou steps into the role of Shiro Kazami (Masked Rider V3). 22-year-old Katou previously appeared in the MASKED RIDER KABUTO (Kamen Raidaa Kabuto, 2006) TV series as Daisuke Kazama, the alter-ego of Masked Rider Drake, as well as the series’ accompanying theatrical film MASKED RIDER KABUTO: GOD SPEED LOVE (Kamen Raidaa Kabuto Goddo Supiido Rabu, 2006).

2 years after the events of MASKED RIDER THE FIRST, rumours are spreading of vicious murders, which are always accompanied by the song of a young pop idol named Chiharu. After Chiharu disappears, her older brother Shiro Kazami goes in search for her, and inevitably finds himself in the hands of the organization “Shocker”. It is here, where a new generation of Riders are being created, that Shiro Kazami is transformed into Masked Rider V3.

I got the chance too watch this movie, been waiting for sometime for an english subbed version of it to be circulated around

Spring

Had one of these weird dreams a while ago

I was here with my colleagues( which seem like them, not sure I even haven't started a job yet)

we were fighting over some issues

weird ones to be exact

we were fighting over the four seasons for some campaign I think

it started because they named the wrong season for the actual one and they were missing one

I said " Summer, we're , missing one here, autumn and winter".

I tried to day the one that we were missing but teh word that came out of my mouth was "Spargo"?? what the heck is that?

I could not remember what exactly was it then I went around asking everyone the correct word

but ended up telling them " nah that's wrong ,it doesn't sound right".

when I woke up, I checked my surroundings (the things that were in front of my eyes)

I rethought my dream and it took me one hell of a second to say out "it was SPRING".

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

had a small talk with Mrs Tan the other day
I asked about a few things here and there
funny thing is that when I said "oh.. not that"
she said back " not that"
clearly she is making fun of me, damn.
when she left I blurted out her first daughter's name
she didn't hear me
but it was unethical at the time
it seem that I really meant to ask about her first daughter
but I couldn't, don't know why.


A segment of my dream had her first daughter in it
I was with a crowd during some event
I was in the front rows, not sure what was it about,
the mc said it was about a selection of people to be representing something
it felt more like a we were being detained just like illegal immigrants (lol)
people were being smacked on their heads which seem to be stickers bearing some kind of embedded registry numbers, I know cause I also got smack on the head too with being greeted "congratulations you've been chosen to represent..."
I ran my fingers over the sticker, felt the embedded coding there
I turned behind to the person behind me, she said "you're chosen too?",
I replied "yeah, hey let me see that". the sticker was orange in color , I could see that the coding was similar to a numbering model of a machine, "XMS-34????" can't remember much detail now. I turned back to the front, I could see a car with a bunch of people coming out and heading towards us, seem in a hurry to get in with us. But only one person stayed in the car, not sure why. Then it started to rain, all of us stayed on until the event was over, during that I could sense that person was her, I really felt that I should get up and head to the car and accompany her, she was there all alone, waiting.. but I didn't get up, damn I don't know why but I said something to myself, " this is as far as you can get?" heck the car was clearly 2 meteres infront of me yet I didn't do a thing. then crowd started to move, seem that the event ended
she suddenly made a move and went out of the car ran to us
she ran right pass me, I could'nt keep my eyes off of her
I could see how see how soft she ran, all dreamy like a fairy, AH BE DEN, it was a dream
then I felt that I was afloat and flew away..

WHat gives???

the world isn't that bad, yet.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?
Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?