....

Regarding my previous post, its best to forget about it.

State of mind

It's been a while since I ever touched this place.

It sure has quite a collection of dirt on it.

To cut things short, I'm actually still pissed at my parents' objections on my request for furthering my studies to Singapore.

 

I still haven't even found a good reason to forgive them.

I'm not even sure that I ever will.

 

Just recently I've been contacted by some other people for some uni offers.
They offered me a degree by under some sort group; okay the thing is the mentioning of an opportunity to further studies just really burns my ear off. Really it does, it really burns my heart even by the sight of it. I tried to reject politely the operator for the offer, but all I really wanted to say "Hey Mother Fucker, Fuck Off and don't ever contact me again". I'm just enraged by the remembrance of a chance for furthering my studies. To top things off, my mom tried to get in touch with me by saying "have you planned out your future?" That sentence alone pissed me off like hellfire. I replied her with my sharp tongue and heck I never cared if I hurt her feelings. I had to make it clear that it piss's me off. I already had planned out my future but thanks to dad who secretly applied my name to this uni that I'm currently in and what's more, he tied my name with a loan to this uni. I am never ever given a chance to lead my life, heck am I fucking in control of it? He cornered me with no fucking choice; this is outrage for all I care. Even though you would say my score is quite good since these couple of semesters, but it is all just because, I don't have a choice. I can't leave because I have a loan tied to my name and mom says don't leave to protect my fathers' name. Oh fucking hell, what the fuck can I do? I really dislike the state of my uni, it's supposed to have an international status quo but why the hell are they saying words in malay? It's stated in the contract, that all classes will be conducted in English and the question papers are in English. How do you expect me to compromise with that, and fuck that they're also cheating the international students they don't know a thing in malay.

I'm not sure if I want to continue this on, 'cause it's robbing me off of my sleep which I really need 'cause I'll be driving back to KL later.

I JUST GOT TO REPENT

everyone else is trying to inprove their faiths

but


I'm still making deals withthe devil.

leave or stay?

Its been really killing me when ever I bring this question to thought
The question that comes to my mind is that, I plan to migrate to another country, I haven't placed which country that I'll be going off to but, I'll migrate to another place, but there are always obstacles, some that keep on bugging me. I asked a couple of friends about migrating and what will happen to my Malaysian citizenship, one of them gave me a reply, Mr. Howard, that if I forfeit my Malaysian citizenship, I'll never ever have the chance to gain it back. I'm not so sure about this but the thought of not being able to return to Malaysia has really troubled me in giving me a final say in it. I'm sure some of you may think that I'm crazy but, I'm not.

The truth is, I no longer have the feeling of longing to go home, I've lost what it feels like to come back home, the warmth, the happiness, that happy gut feeling, I just live to live another day. I go to sleep every night, when I wake up in the morning, there's that emptiness that I feel everytime, eventhough I pray, it still feels the same, something is just missing, it won't go away.

my parents no longer understand me, or they never understood me at all, even when they still controled my choice in my Uni offers, it was just the last straw for me. I warned them that their decision has consumed me, changing me into the opposite person who I was. I used to strive for peace, now I'm man who thirsts for revenge, bloodshed. Why do I have to obey my father's pride, this is my fucking future if you ever cared. SO what , your telling me its a waste of time, what difference was it during your time and mine, you think times now are just the same as it was? How the hell should I know if I never experienced it, and one more thing, things now are different.

Now you can see whats been consuming my mind from thnking rationally, I'm just consumed by rage, the fury to take a life. A couple of years back, I already questioned myself, why am I doing all of this, I no longer know why am I doing the things that I do anymore, why do I rush to one place to another, like an endless marathon. I just live to see my maker eventually at the end of my life.

I have lost this resolve to continue life with this cause for greater good, but this fuming oppositon in me is making its way to take over my life, replacing my mind for world destruction, Just thinking of it makes me feel thats its a more greater cause, but seeing these young children after me, seeing how innocent they live their life, maybe I just wish I could protect it from being corrupted by the vast evil in the world, created by our own selves. Maybe something I'm turning into, the evil that I oppose, maybe I'm suppose to become a part of it.

If I migrate, I pretty sure know this that I must leave everything behind, everything that I known for these 11 years in Malaysia. I won't have the chance to see my parents, see them live their life through their retirement at ease, or even to see them rest peacefully for their afterlife. I won't get to see Pei Yue go to school, or even see her grow up. I won't even know what would happen to my own siblings. I wouldn't know if my elder brother and sister have started their own family and if my little sister can even stand on her own feet.


I just want to start a new slide of my life, somewhere new, somewhere I never knew, somewhere where nobody doesn't even know me and where I don't know anyone. To start white. Maybe so that I can straighten my mind, have everything maped out?

Wei Jiea, told me to think it twice.. Its a tough decision to make.

They say when people leave a pleace, they mean that their trying to find their answer in life..
the way I see it, maybe its just another excuse to run away, running away from something that they themselves maybe aren't sure of. Their very own answers were most probably right infront of them, at the very place where they ran from. Guess they were blinded from seeing it.

I myself am not sure what I'm trying to run away from, If I try to accept it, I'm not even sure what the heck it is, or even where to start.

For I am damaged. heart and soul.

lagophthalmos

I always wondered why my eyes were dry and red, even though I've already applied some eye moisture products and had enough sleep...

the thing is that...


I SLEEP WITH MY EYES OPEN

We're going nuclear

With the sky rocketing prices in oil, gas and any carbon based fuel that we human beings use for energy, as the title says, we are RE-initiating our nuclear program. Well heck, we won't last that long if we can't find an alternate source of energy at we don't have any options left. Heck, I don't even have to leave the country to get a job, this field of work does require my expertise..

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terrible price hike

you see, its really bad for my budget and I love to drive very fast
(this is just ALMOST my HALF tank)
eg: having an average speed of 120km/h on the highway
(so far so good, no ticket, thank god)



well this will solve everyone's problem, we should just
cycle!

more conveniently, this type can be folded like
in the pic above, good for taking it along with you
in MRT's, buses or etc.



and here's a demo on this folding bike

well there are more designs and different brands on this particular of bicycle but you're the user, so you should decide on what you want. But for my advice, if you're planning to get one and you're going to use it in the city limits, better get a mountain bike or the one I'm showing. A mountain bike is more suited because its more easier to handle and the tires are great on bumpy and rough roads( hence it was designed for rough cycling in the mountains ). Prices for bikes varies because of the types of frames and equipment (gears, shifters,etc) being used. Some range from rm500(these bikes are usually standard issues, where the frame is set at a specific size and the other parts are standard low-grade parts) while some can cost to rm15k-rm45k( usually these kind of bikes are the ones that bicycle enthusiasts use, because these kind of bikes are made from scratch to suite the user, for instance the frames are more durable and lighter usually aluminum/carbon and is different in size to go with the user's height while the gears and shifters are of high quality).

but unlike other countries, cycling in Malaysia is really risking it, I know, I'm experienced. Other countries have parks, lanes, even parking bays made for the public for bicycle users but in Malaysia, I don't see a thing.

Semester 2 result

▒
Finally

I mushed up the courage to post my exam result it came out for sometime already, so here it is, my score this time was 3.36, bummer man, it went down a bit, we were cut short for that semester, we were given 14weeks to cram all the info we could. My math kinda gone down by a notch since my last term, it all because I studied the hard part of the chapter for just this one paper then what came out was the front part of the chapter, even the questions being asked were the one's if someone really memorized what the exact names of these symbols "α ß ΓπΣσµτΦΘΩδ∞φε∩≡±≥≤⌠⌡÷≈°∙·√ⁿ♣ " it seem unfair to me though, 'cause I only studied to work out equations until I get the answer not the name of the thing.