letting go

I happened to stumble upon a post this girls blog here

Vivian's blogspot

I give credit to her for making such a post, it really gave me a wake up call

(hHAHAHAHAHA, leong just corrected me that it wasn't made by her, Its from some forwarded email drifting off the net and I just recently received it, waht LOL!)

it really foots the bill.

I'll provide a full translation along with the original text.

the title goes as:

爱一人

I love someone

and this is what it contained:

如果你不爱一个人,
If you do not love a person,



请放手.
please let go.


好让别人有机会爱她.
so that other people would
have the opportunity to love
her.



如果你爱的人放弃了你,
If your love abandoned you,



请放开自己,
please let go,



好让自己有机会爱别人.
so that others can love thee.



有的东西你再喜欢也不会属于你的,
there are things you do not
want but stays with you,




有的东西你再留恋也注定要放弃的.
there are things you
cherish but you're doomed
to give up.



人生中有许多种.
there are many paths of life.




但别让自己为一种伤害.
but do not inflict pain upon
oneself.




有些缘分是注定要失去的,
some are fated to have a loss,





有些缘分是永远都不会有好结果的,
some are fated to never have
a happy ending,




爱一个人不一定要拥有,
love doesn't necessarily need
the person to be by their
side,




但拥有一个人就一定要好好的去爱她.
However, a person must be
dedicated in loving her.



男人哭了是因为他真的爱了.
A man cried because he
loved his beloved.



女人哭了是因为她真的放弃了.
A woman cried because she
had to let go.








如果真诚是一种伤害,
If the pain caused
is sincere,



我选择谎言;
I choose to lie;



如果谎言一种伤害,
If a lie causes pain,



我选择沉默;
I choose to remain silent;



如果沉默是一种伤害,
If silence is a type of
pain,



我选择离开.
I choose to leave.






如果失去是苦，
If the loss is too much
to bear,



你怕不怕付出?
Can you face what you
had done?



如果迷乱是苦，
If you're too confused,



你会不会选择结束,
You are not left with an
option,



如果追求是苦，
If it is hard to pursue,




你会不会选择执迷不悟 ,
You will not choose to be
stubborn,



如果分离是苦，
If the separation is hard,




你要向谁倾诉?
Who can you express to?




好多事情都是后来才看清楚,
Only later on many things
are cleared up,



好多事情当时一点也不觉得苦!!!!
At that time,realizing
that all was not bitter!





I sure hope my translation was enough to understand and I credit to whoever made this, its beautiful

Dai Ti replacement

放开你的手
不管等多久
失败是成功之母
我们不怕苦
找得到路

你教我的歌
你唱歌的声
将那人潮都暗哑
甜美而优雅
好牵挂

原来思念也有生命
有呼
吸
有你
扎根在我的心
像部分身体
再多的风雨
再多不允许
都不能阻挡我们在一起

原来思念也有意义
有爱与
勇气
我不在身边就让思念代替
代替我去爱你
去诃护你

放开你的手
送你到最后
你的泪在我胸口
不管等多久
无所求

生日快乐

陈智齐

....

Regarding my previous post, its best to forget about it.

State of mind

It's been a while since I ever touched this place.

It sure has quite a collection of dirt on it.

To cut things short, I'm actually still pissed at my parents' objections on my request for furthering my studies to Singapore.

 

I still haven't even found a good reason to forgive them.

I'm not even sure that I ever will.

 

Just recently I've been contacted by some other people for some uni offers.
They offered me a degree by under some sort group; okay the thing is the mentioning of an opportunity to further studies just really burns my ear off. Really it does, it really burns my heart even by the sight of it. I tried to reject politely the operator for the offer, but all I really wanted to say "Hey Mother Fucker, Fuck Off and don't ever contact me again". I'm just enraged by the remembrance of a chance for furthering my studies. To top things off, my mom tried to get in touch with me by saying "have you planned out your future?" That sentence alone pissed me off like hellfire. I replied her with my sharp tongue and heck I never cared if I hurt her feelings. I had to make it clear that it piss's me off. I already had planned out my future but thanks to dad who secretly applied my name to this uni that I'm currently in and what's more, he tied my name with a loan to this uni. I am never ever given a chance to lead my life, heck am I fucking in control of it? He cornered me with no fucking choice; this is outrage for all I care. Even though you would say my score is quite good since these couple of semesters, but it is all just because, I don't have a choice. I can't leave because I have a loan tied to my name and mom says don't leave to protect my fathers' name. Oh fucking hell, what the fuck can I do? I really dislike the state of my uni, it's supposed to have an international status quo but why the hell are they saying words in malay? It's stated in the contract, that all classes will be conducted in English and the question papers are in English. How do you expect me to compromise with that, and fuck that they're also cheating the international students they don't know a thing in malay.

I'm not sure if I want to continue this on, 'cause it's robbing me off of my sleep which I really need 'cause I'll be driving back to KL later.

I JUST GOT TO REPENT

everyone else is trying to inprove their faiths

but


I'm still making deals withthe devil.

leave or stay?

Its been really killing me when ever I bring this question to thought
The question that comes to my mind is that, I plan to migrate to another country, I haven't placed which country that I'll be going off to but, I'll migrate to another place, but there are always obstacles, some that keep on bugging me. I asked a couple of friends about migrating and what will happen to my Malaysian citizenship, one of them gave me a reply, Mr. Howard, that if I forfeit my Malaysian citizenship, I'll never ever have the chance to gain it back. I'm not so sure about this but the thought of not being able to return to Malaysia has really troubled me in giving me a final say in it. I'm sure some of you may think that I'm crazy but, I'm not.

The truth is, I no longer have the feeling of longing to go home, I've lost what it feels like to come back home, the warmth, the happiness, that happy gut feeling, I just live to live another day. I go to sleep every night, when I wake up in the morning, there's that emptiness that I feel everytime, eventhough I pray, it still feels the same, something is just missing, it won't go away.

my parents no longer understand me, or they never understood me at all, even when they still controled my choice in my Uni offers, it was just the last straw for me. I warned them that their decision has consumed me, changing me into the opposite person who I was. I used to strive for peace, now I'm man who thirsts for revenge, bloodshed. Why do I have to obey my father's pride, this is my fucking future if you ever cared. SO what , your telling me its a waste of time, what difference was it during your time and mine, you think times now are just the same as it was? How the hell should I know if I never experienced it, and one more thing, things now are different.

Now you can see whats been consuming my mind from thnking rationally, I'm just consumed by rage, the fury to take a life. A couple of years back, I already questioned myself, why am I doing all of this, I no longer know why am I doing the things that I do anymore, why do I rush to one place to another, like an endless marathon. I just live to see my maker eventually at the end of my life.

I have lost this resolve to continue life with this cause for greater good, but this fuming oppositon in me is making its way to take over my life, replacing my mind for world destruction, Just thinking of it makes me feel thats its a more greater cause, but seeing these young children after me, seeing how innocent they live their life, maybe I just wish I could protect it from being corrupted by the vast evil in the world, created by our own selves. Maybe something I'm turning into, the evil that I oppose, maybe I'm suppose to become a part of it.

If I migrate, I pretty sure know this that I must leave everything behind, everything that I known for these 11 years in Malaysia. I won't have the chance to see my parents, see them live their life through their retirement at ease, or even to see them rest peacefully for their afterlife. I won't get to see Pei Yue go to school, or even see her grow up. I won't even know what would happen to my own siblings. I wouldn't know if my elder brother and sister have started their own family and if my little sister can even stand on her own feet.


I just want to start a new slide of my life, somewhere new, somewhere I never knew, somewhere where nobody doesn't even know me and where I don't know anyone. To start white. Maybe so that I can straighten my mind, have everything maped out?

Wei Jiea, told me to think it twice.. Its a tough decision to make.

They say when people leave a pleace, they mean that their trying to find their answer in life..
the way I see it, maybe its just another excuse to run away, running away from something that they themselves maybe aren't sure of. Their very own answers were most probably right infront of them, at the very place where they ran from. Guess they were blinded from seeing it.

I myself am not sure what I'm trying to run away from, If I try to accept it, I'm not even sure what the heck it is, or even where to start.

For I am damaged. heart and soul.

lagophthalmos

I always wondered why my eyes were dry and red, even though I've already applied some eye moisture products and had enough sleep...

the thing is that...


I SLEEP WITH MY EYES OPEN

We're going nuclear

With the sky rocketing prices in oil, gas and any carbon based fuel that we human beings use for energy, as the title says, we are RE-initiating our nuclear program. Well heck, we won't last that long if we can't find an alternate source of energy at we don't have any options left. Heck, I don't even have to leave the country to get a job, this field of work does require my expertise..

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terrible price hike

you see, its really bad for my budget and I love to drive very fast
(this is just ALMOST my HALF tank)
eg: having an average speed of 120km/h on the highway
(so far so good, no ticket, thank god)



well this will solve everyone's problem, we should just
cycle!

more conveniently, this type can be folded like
in the pic above, good for taking it along with you
in MRT's, buses or etc.



and here's a demo on this folding bike

well there are more designs and different brands on this particular of bicycle but you're the user, so you should decide on what you want. But for my advice, if you're planning to get one and you're going to use it in the city limits, better get a mountain bike or the one I'm showing. A mountain bike is more suited because its more easier to handle and the tires are great on bumpy and rough roads( hence it was designed for rough cycling in the mountains ). Prices for bikes varies because of the types of frames and equipment (gears, shifters,etc) being used. Some range from rm500(these bikes are usually standard issues, where the frame is set at a specific size and the other parts are standard low-grade parts) while some can cost to rm15k-rm45k( usually these kind of bikes are the ones that bicycle enthusiasts use, because these kind of bikes are made from scratch to suite the user, for instance the frames are more durable and lighter usually aluminum/carbon and is different in size to go with the user's height while the gears and shifters are of high quality).

but unlike other countries, cycling in Malaysia is really risking it, I know, I'm experienced. Other countries have parks, lanes, even parking bays made for the public for bicycle users but in Malaysia, I don't see a thing.

Semester 2 result

▒
Finally

I mushed up the courage to post my exam result it came out for sometime already, so here it is, my score this time was 3.36, bummer man, it went down a bit, we were cut short for that semester, we were given 14weeks to cram all the info we could. My math kinda gone down by a notch since my last term, it all because I studied the hard part of the chapter for just this one paper then what came out was the front part of the chapter, even the questions being asked were the one's if someone really memorized what the exact names of these symbols "α ß ΓπΣσµτΦΘΩδ∞φε∩≡±≥≤⌠⌡÷≈°∙·√ⁿ♣ " it seem unfair to me though, 'cause I only studied to work out equations until I get the answer not the name of the thing.

yang akan datang

KAMEN RIDER : THE NEXT

http://www.maskedridernext.jp/

The new film is a direct sequel to MASKED RIDER THE FIRST (Kamen Raidaa Za Faasuto, 2005), featuring the return of Masked Riders 1 and 2, and the introduction of Masked Rider V3.

Just as MASKED RIDER THE FIRST was a loose re-telling of both Shotaro Ishinomori’s original manga and Toei’s MASKED RIDER (Kamen Raidaa, 1971) TV series, MASKED RIDER THE NEXT is set to re-tell the story behind Toei’s MASKED RIDER V3 (Kamen Raidaa Buisurii, 1973) TV series.

Actors Masaya Kikawada and Hassei Takano are returning from MASKED RIDER THE FIRST as Takeshi Hongo (Masked Rider 1) and Hayato Ichimonji (Masked Rider 2) respectively, while Kazuki Katou steps into the role of Shiro Kazami (Masked Rider V3). 22-year-old Katou previously appeared in the MASKED RIDER KABUTO (Kamen Raidaa Kabuto, 2006) TV series as Daisuke Kazama, the alter-ego of Masked Rider Drake, as well as the series’ accompanying theatrical film MASKED RIDER KABUTO: GOD SPEED LOVE (Kamen Raidaa Kabuto Goddo Supiido Rabu, 2006).

2 years after the events of MASKED RIDER THE FIRST, rumours are spreading of vicious murders, which are always accompanied by the song of a young pop idol named Chiharu. After Chiharu disappears, her older brother Shiro Kazami goes in search for her, and inevitably finds himself in the hands of the organization “Shocker”. It is here, where a new generation of Riders are being created, that Shiro Kazami is transformed into Masked Rider V3.

I got the chance too watch this movie, been waiting for sometime for an english subbed version of it to be circulated around

Spring

Had one of these weird dreams a while ago

I was here with my colleagues( which seem like them, not sure I even haven't started a job yet)

we were fighting over some issues

weird ones to be exact

we were fighting over the four seasons for some campaign I think

it started because they named the wrong season for the actual one and they were missing one

I said " Summer, we're , missing one here, autumn and winter".

I tried to day the one that we were missing but teh word that came out of my mouth was "Spargo"?? what the heck is that?

I could not remember what exactly was it then I went around asking everyone the correct word

but ended up telling them " nah that's wrong ,it doesn't sound right".

when I woke up, I checked my surroundings (the things that were in front of my eyes)

I rethought my dream and it took me one hell of a second to say out "it was SPRING".

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had a small talk with Mrs Tan the other day
I asked about a few things here and there
funny thing is that when I said "oh.. not that"
she said back " not that"
clearly she is making fun of me, damn.
when she left I blurted out her first daughter's name
she didn't hear me
but it was unethical at the time
it seem that I really meant to ask about her first daughter
but I couldn't, don't know why.


A segment of my dream had her first daughter in it
I was with a crowd during some event
I was in the front rows, not sure what was it about,
the mc said it was about a selection of people to be representing something
it felt more like a we were being detained just like illegal immigrants (lol)
people were being smacked on their heads which seem to be stickers bearing some kind of embedded registry numbers, I know cause I also got smack on the head too with being greeted "congratulations you've been chosen to represent..."
I ran my fingers over the sticker, felt the embedded coding there
I turned behind to the person behind me, she said "you're chosen too?",
I replied "yeah, hey let me see that". the sticker was orange in color , I could see that the coding was similar to a numbering model of a machine, "XMS-34????" can't remember much detail now. I turned back to the front, I could see a car with a bunch of people coming out and heading towards us, seem in a hurry to get in with us. But only one person stayed in the car, not sure why. Then it started to rain, all of us stayed on until the event was over, during that I could sense that person was her, I really felt that I should get up and head to the car and accompany her, she was there all alone, waiting.. but I didn't get up, damn I don't know why but I said something to myself, " this is as far as you can get?" heck the car was clearly 2 meteres infront of me yet I didn't do a thing. then crowd started to move, seem that the event ended
she suddenly made a move and went out of the car ran to us
she ran right pass me, I could'nt keep my eyes off of her
I could see how see how soft she ran, all dreamy like a fairy, AH BE DEN, it was a dream
then I felt that I was afloat and flew away..

WHat gives???

the world isn't that bad, yet.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?
Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

hobby

doesn't it look great?

the only thing I'm worried about is getting an authentic license for it.

and taking care of it.

precognition premonition

its been some time since I blogged anything, my hectic life, being hiatus most if the time.

its just that, the night before, I had some dream where I met people that I have never seen before and mostly the dream was consisted of people or friends that I have not seen for a long time.

usually when I dream something like this, things happen. I'm not sure what, but something will happen.

I always get dreams or nightmares of the future quiet frequently and when I decipher them, figure them out, they come true. That was some time ago but they have been diminishing until now.

there was one time, 1 week before my spm results were out, I dream t' of my spm results, the dream gave me the exact same results as the one I received the day of the results.

probably its just in my mind, I'm crazy maybe. Maybe its just a side effect of what my personality is?

I like playing guess, as in when I haven't met this person, i hear their voice and imagine what he/she actually looks like, sometimes I always get them right, guessing whats behind door no.1 and so.


back then when I was in my early teens, I really believed in telepathy, telekinesis or psychic powers. at a time I believed I had it, I had psychic powers, ya ya ya, you think I'm crazy am I. Anyway, I went on, see what I could do, explore and master it, if it was possible at the time. Now I just forgotten all about this stuff, not sure I f I still have it.

I remember one time when I got rejected by this girl in high school, it was during form3, well a nerd being rejected, you may know what will happen, what he'll probably do, bu I just had this something where I can predict where she is, well is more like I felt that she's approaching to school and all but I brushed it off asap,'cause she rejected me and I'm tried to get over her, basically I learned to hate her.

another part was when, I think it was the same year when I was in form 3, there was this day that my ears was burning, as in hot, red, emitting heat. It was unusual as it never happen before and I knew it wasn't normal to happen, I felt that was someone or a bunch of people were talking behind my back, so I charged around the whole school, through each class and I found bunch of girls gossiping, I looked at one of them and I could see that was trying to know if I knew what she was talking about. I letf but the burning didn't stop so I went back and they were still gossiping, this time I really got them. I left again, and they stopped gossiping as well as the burning sensation.

clearly around my senior year, I was getting to know this girl, well as you would say it she was invisible? we see each other everyday, every year, but I never took the trouble to talk to her, one time she was surprised when I called her by her name, it seem that she thought I never knew hers. I remember her high school appearance, she wore glasses, an intelligent woman, a bookworm, she was shy, but talkative to people she knew, liked martial arts, she'd had her hair short but in our senior year she started to keep it long, it was kind of appealing to me. I remember one time that she cut her hair really short, horrendous but I didn't dare to tell her, I just stared in shock.

ok my point here is that, as time grew, I felt some affinity with her, i could know that she staring or looking at me, I knew she was somewhere nearby and so. Until this day, I still can feel it, this feeling. one time last year I was waiting in my old high-school for some unsettled affairs, as I was waiting, I felt a very strong something, it was more like two round objects piercing my back through my chest, it gave my heart a sensation, it beated very fast. it was as if someone was watching me, i had this feeling that it was her. but I could be proven wrong.


may be its just in my head

oh ya, a black crow just appeared on the window in front of me, maybe something is going to happen.

maybe I'm just plain crazy.

...

You are The Hierophant

Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching.

All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.

The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

the time I slept

I slept from 1:00pm yesterday until 5:20am this morning

how long is that actually?

I do usually wake everyday around that time but the time I went to sleep seems odd, you think?

I did wake up around 10:00pm but just for a while, 2 minutes?, then I went back to sleep. WTH I've been asleep for more than 12 hours?!!?!!

the previous day before yesterday(Wednesday), I didn't sleep a wink that night so maybe it would explain some shit.

Back in jb for a while for now

been searching for this song for while, but got it already.

Zhou Da Xia