facebook

finally

I brought myself to make a facebook account

yea yea

it ain't something new

I really dunno how to use it

friend no1 said its "FUU-YOh!!! nice, gerek sial!!"

and friend no2 said " it sucks"

and I go with friend no2

the first time I used the thing, I clicky clicky here and there

duno what I'm doing

got too many features

I went from " oh like this, ok then"

to

"oh shit! wtf? why I put her there? wth did I just sent her?"

and the rest is history, despite that, I went and poked and kissed people randomly, iduncarelah.
saw one of my friends acc, she's older than me btw, but to my horror she posted a pic of her that I wouldn't see her in public in it. To cut the cahse, WTH WARAGHGHGGGHHHHHHH!!! crap larh I can't get that damn picture out of my head, I know she's a part time model but, I dont know lah.. a normal man would probably be aroused, but to me, ITS DAMN RIGHT WRONG, I know the person, it justs, it just feels wrong I tell you.wrong.

one more thing

I saw the profile of the woman that I am trying to get over with

its funny

when realized I have forgotten her but just when I see her, even just her name, I'm just proven wrong, right on the spot.

my iris enlarged, I get this funny warm feeling starting from my belly, shoots towards my torso and up into my head. My heart elevated, an adrenaline rush. I felt HAPPY. I felt GLAD.

but in a split second I thought back. She won't love you, not a chance. I keep telling myself that, but to no avail, it doesn't kicks in.

even there were many profiles with the same name, I clicked this one and I knew it was her.

when I'm just passing by a particular place, someone told me she was there a while ago and I just missed her, I had a gut feeling that she was nearby. I don't know why I feel it. Why do I even feel her presence.

I've restrained myself from contacting her, from trying to know how she is, how is her health, is she doing ok? is her boyfriend treating her well? can she face her studies well or not? Even sending a birthday message and showing my concern for her, I'm taken aback, and when she wishes me a happy birthday, I quickly give her a taste of my acid tounge. It pains me because, after all I could possibly be hurting her feelings

I guess the way I am trying to get over her, is not even a good method, severing ties, making her hate me so that I can't have, be near her.. its going to take a toll on me, a big one I think.

I know her friends, they know me, I know her siblings and her siblings know me, I know her mother and she knows who am I. But I don't know her father, didn't get the chance to talk to the man just a few bump ins but that wouldn't make it, but guessing this, her father probably knows me as well.

when you remember something, your brain responds by turning it into your memory. You'll remember it if you;

frequently remembering it
doing things that keeps you reminded of such a thing
make a memento or a keepsake to remember
think about it
and etc.

we humans can remember a lot of things but why don't we remember them? is it because, we never make ourselves to be even reminded about this particular detail, this particular memory?

that is the key

I am quickly reminded about this

a quote from the magazine"to grow up is to forget"

I can't see a picture of her, just because I will miss her

I can't see her name, because I will think of her

I can't hear her voice, because I'll be reminded of her

I can't know how she feels, because my heart will be torn.

because I cherish her

I hate facebook.